Sometimes days suck

 

 

Yesterday was a hard day.  Like so many other days that we have had since Eric left us.  I am not stupid, I know my brother is not coming back, but something about selling the thing he loved the most in his life (besides Clayton) felt very final.  My brother lived, breathed, ate, slept and dreamed cows.  When he was a kid and would play with his toys - he always played 'farm,' had farm toys, complete with little cows and tiny tractors with little implements which he used to plow up mom's flower beds, or laundry soap, or dirt behind the shed.  He was a farmer from the start.  

The other thing about my brother, he loved the sale barn.  He worked down there for the last 30+ years.  Every Monday.  He did everything from ring man, to running and sorting cows to hauling.  My dad worked down there too, and Grandma helped in the Red Barn Cafe for years - making all the cream pies, and homemade noodles for home cooked food that people went down there to eat whether they were buying/selling anything or not.  Every Monday unless it was Christmas.  Eric knew every farmer/rancher/cattleman in this part of the country.  He loved bull$hitting with them, giving their kids the business, and talking about cows with them.  Yesterday was not only a hard day for us as a family, but it was a hard day for the people who work at the sale as well.  Sort of a tribute and final goodbye to him for them as well.  I should have been more prepared.  If I had thought about it harder, I would have known that 'his' people would be there.  That it would be sad for all of us collectively.  I thought about it from a lot of perspectives, but not the ones that mattered the most.  Growing as a person is something I guess we all must continue to do.  

When I tell you that I love an auction, I mean it.  We grew up going to the auction.  Some of my best childhood memories are of going to the Ottawa auction on Saturday morning with mom and/or grandma to sell their old hens.  And of joking around about the people down there.  Of watching the guy who owned a restaurant buy up all the old hens, pop their heads off and throw them in the trunk of his car (how godawful that car must have smelled).  The day grandpa came in, grinning ear to ear and then watching as our neighbor delivered a bulldozer he got at some auction - and dad shaking his head and telling him he would end up killing himself on that thing.  Grandpa just couldn't stop grinning the whole time.  Mom rarely let us drink soda as kids, saying it would rot our teeth out and kill our bones.  She was probably right, but dad....dad lived on a steady diet of Dr. Pepper, and nicotine.  He let us drink soda.  And if you rode along with him to an auction, he let you drink a lot of soda.  Auctions give me nostalgia.  Not this time though.  This time, the auction just gave me a big old dose of sadness.  I miss my brother.

I was thankful for a moment of happiness yesterday when Colin sent me some pictures of lil Dale doing his tummy time in the garage, followed by watching a movie.  Looks to me like tummy time wore him out and he missed the movie parts!  :)  

I got home after the bus route thinking nothing would help my mood like putting in some time at the barn.  Saige was not feeling well, so Harper and I did chores.  I ran in to gather the eggs and found an enormous black snake eating my eggs!  I don't mind sharing an egg with a black snake if it means that they will keep the mice away, however I am supposed to be getting some baby chickens later this week, so I am hoping he just sticks with egg stealing and not baby chicken stealing!  He did not leave easily....I  had to do a lot of tapping on him to get him to go on about his day.  

Harper went on into the house, and I was working on some fences that needed tied down more, when I noticed that Blitz was leaning on me - physically pushing me toward the house.  Last time she did that, a tornado hit about a mile from our house.  I could hear the thunder, but was thinking I had a little bit of time before it would hit.   I decided to go inside and check the weather.  

And what I found was that our county was in a tornado warning, and that Jim was coming home from somewhere and was driving in the vicinity of where the tornado was being reported.  I texted him the warning to watch the sky.  And then started pacing between the kitchen and the Tv -something  I often do when i am making dinner anyway, but amplified it a bit!  Mallory came flying in the driveway at the same time as Jim got home.  I was happy they were both safe.

The tornadic part of the storm stayed pretty far from us, however it did hit Ottawa, where Jim had been just a little bit before it got bad.  The storm we got was loud, windy and a lot of rain!  When it was over, I went outside and took photos of the back end of it.  Strangely beautiful.  

Life rule - if you see a rainbow you have to take a picture!  This wasn't the brightest, but it was pretty!

A reminder that tough times won't last forever.  

too much, not enough

We had a great weekend around here.  We worked really hard on a lot of projects, got a few done, invented a few others, hung out with some of our kids, and the girls, took care of a few things and got rid of some stuff.  It was a lot, but also not enough.  I did not get finished with my list.  Not even close.  This time of the year, I am very guilty of putting an unreasonable amount of stuff on my to do list.  Added in with kid activities, and weather and it was a perfect storm of close but no cigar!  And that is ok.  I will keep plugging away.  It is good for me to have a list, it makes me happy, keeps me on track and out of trouble.  

Although, sometimes trouble finds me.  :)  This little girl sure does love to show up out of nowhere, get dirty, eat my popsicles, and then go fishing with her dad and Poppy, followed by another bath, and a salad and after dinner swinging.  I sure slept good last night, I am guessing she did as well!  

She is ALWAYS ready to help with the animals.  Loves being in the barn, never worries about dirt, doesn't really care if she has on pants or not, and absolutely cracks me up.  The animals love seeing her coming, she always brings treats!

Mr. Mackey loves carrots and anything else he can get his teeth on!

Cameron's corporate softball team had a game.  He said he got to pitch, but got in trouble for doing too much smack talking!  I am happy he is keeping himself busy. 

Evelyn is working really hard with Stitch, her 4-H goat.  Stitch is a pretty stubborn girl, and Maude is not really that helpful.  Evie is unphased by all of it.  She knows her goat will be a great walker someday, and she will get her to be a friendly girl.  I have confidence that she will get the job done!   I am proud of her for working so hard and staying kind and patient.  

Watching her pull and try so hard reminded me of when we were kids.  My dad would run in several pens of heifers in various ages for us to pick from for showing.  Eric always got to pick first because the previous year something tragic had happened to him, and dad would just say "since Eric's calf last year got ring worm, he should pick first." or "since Eric got the nasty attitude calf last year, let him pick first."  Nobody ever minded letting him pick first, there were plenty of choices and we never lacked for enough calves to show.  And we all knew in our hearts, that Eric's calf would be the stubborn one, or the one to contract some disease or get sunburn at the last minute and look discolored, despite being a beautiful heifer a couple weeks before the fair.  Eric just could never catch a break.  I remember watching him pull and pull and sweat and sometimes cry.  Sometimes dad would hook the halter to the bumper of the old truck and slowly pull them for him.  And then it seemed like you would think the calf was walking better, but when Eric would get back on the halter, the calf would spook and drag him across the yard.  He was the most stubborn person, and would never let go.  Ever.  He spent half the summer working his butt off, getting drug around and rope burned, but not one single time did he quit, or stop trying.  And when the fair rolled around, his calf would be broke, and he would be there happy as a kid could get because he LOVED the fair!

This weekend, they loaded up all of Eric's cow/calf pairs and took them into the sale barn for the weekly Monday sale.  It feels too final.  And wrong.  He should be here, giving me advice on feeding goats,  laughing about how stupid they are, and telling me the kids need some pigs instead.  He should be here.  It is just not right.  Not fair, and flat stupid.  Tomorrow, I will go to the auction and sit with my parents to watch them sell.  I love the auction, but I am not looking forward to this one.  It is just too sad.  My brother was a simple man, who liked simple things.  He worked hard his entire life.  I cannot even express the sadness we are all feeling.  

Which is why I tried extra hard to stay busy this weekend....to keep my mind on everything else.  Like utilizing the massive amount of eggs that we have accumulated this week.  I made hard boiled eggs, breakfast burritos, and Madison made cream puffs.  I gave away 6 dozen eggs at church this morning, and came home this evening to find that Jim had gathered another 2 dozen.  This is not a bad problem to have, and I am not complaining, however, I am looking for some new ways to use them, to preserve them, and perhaps some new people to pawn them off on!  :)    This week, I am planning to use the dehydrator to try to dehydrate some eggs.  I read that it is easy and makes them shelf stable.  I am also going to attempt making pickled eggs, if I can find a big jar that I haven't filled with sweet potato slips!  

Cameron went to visit Preston this weekend.  They went to one of those bars with a patio area that has the fire pit tables.  They snuck in hotdogs and marshmallows.  They are a hot mess.  

The grandkids were busy this weekend, fishing, getting new fishing hats, and catching whoppers!

 

A couple of weeks ago, I bought some Nanking cherry bushes.  I planted them, and then they sort of disappeared.  I figured a rabbit ate them, and I told Jim I was going to buy a couple of actual cherry trees instead.  He agreed it was a good idea, and we happened to be in the Tractor supply in Topeka a day or so later, and they had some cherry trees.  He asked if I wanted to get them, but we were headed to run a lot of errands, and already had feed in the car, and so I said no, we would get them next time.  Except next time, they were sold out.  I was sad, and kicked myself.  Thursday night, I drug Jim into a nursery in Lawrence that had advertised they had cherry trees.  When we got there, the prices made us choke and sputter, and we left without them.  Enter today....Harper had a CWF meeting in Ottawa.  Harper and Saige needed clothes for band, and I needed a couple of things, so we ran down early to do some shopping before the meeting.  On a whim, I stopped off at the store there, and sure as heck, they had 3 pretty little healthy looking trees, in a more reasonable price range.  I did not have time to buy them before the meeting, but said we would come back afterward, and crossed my fingers they would not sell before we got back.  When we got back, there were 2 trees left!  I grabbed them up!  Which is how I ended up outside this evening, in the almost dark, planting cherry trees.  The really cool thing, I had decided to plant them in the holes I had dug a couple weeks ago for the cherry bushes, but I found that they are coming back from the roots!  So I had to start over with new holes, but I am cautiously optimistic that maybe I will get both cherry trees and the cherry bushes to grow!  

And since I was already caught up in an emotional weekend of memories and feelings, I was thinking back to when I was a kid, and our aunt Mary had a small orchard.  We used to go pick fruit, help her pit cherries and peaches and then help can jellies, pie fillings, and fresh fruit for eating in the winter time.  As I was sweating my buns off, and trying to beat the darkness, I was thinking about how none of that stuff seemed like work when I was a kid.  We just all worked together and visited and hung out and it seemed like fun.  I hope that someday, I will have some fruit to can and my grandkids can come over and help, and that it won't seem like work to them, because they are just enjoying visiting and hanging out together.  But even if that never happens, it makes me incredibly happy to be fulfilling my dream of having a small orchard, and taking steps toward growing more of our own foods.  

Cameron was invited to some sort of sword fighting group.  Looks like he had fun there!

And now the weekend is officially over.  The upcoming week is going to be filled with lots of stuff.  Some emotional, some work, some just business.  I am sure we will all be ok, but I am not sure I am quite ready.  Do over?  

And it’s over.

The 5 day Easter break from school - over.  In a flash. And yes I’m sad about it.  I was enjoying sleeping in til 6, putzing around in the afternoon without the bus interrupting my gardening happiness, hanging out with Jim and the girls.  And I think this is the last break of any sort that they get until summer.  But in all honesty, summer isn’t that far away.  We will make it. 

We did accomplish a lot the last couple of days!  Got the new raised beds filled in with dirt.  Got my raspberries moved, planted more new raspberry plants and a couple blueberry bushes.  Got the strawberry patch weeding started (when you bed down with hay or straw in the winter you grow grass in the spring!). Was elated that my garlic is growing. Had a moment of  sadness that bc my cherry bushes seem to have disappeared (thinking rabbits ate them). I watered them anyway hoping maybe the roots are still alive.  

I did have a moment of sweetness - thanks to Spencer for the cute photos.  

And to Madison who keeps me entertained with stories of orneriness. 

And good news from Mallory medically. 

Last fall, Mallory gave me some tulip bulbs. I stuck them in the ground this spring, as life went a little sideways last fall.  I have been delighted that they did come up and bloom.  Including this weird one.   I’ve never seen anything quite like it.  It’s a winner!  

Jim busted his rump helping me put in a couple of new raised beds this year. The problem with raised beds is that you have to fill them.  We have plenty of poop, but the dirt around here leaves a little to be desired.  We had a load delivered of nice black dirt. We spent the break shoveling dirt into raised beds. Last year, I planted raspberries and blackberries in the same bed.  That is a no-no.  Live and learn right?  I spent the better part of yesterday transplanting the raspberries. I hope they will be very happy in their new home.  The blackberries are spreading like crazy and I am elated.  More room for them to grow!  At this point, doing anything outside in the sun beats doing anything where you might pay attention to the state of the world. 

And so that’s it.  Back to school.  Back to bus.  I have always hated this time of the year from a school standpoint.  The neediness season.  And this year is no different. All the end of year stuff piling up and filling up my calendar. The insanity begins now!