My tribe: Sometimes days suck

Yesterday was a hard day. Like so many other days that we have had since Eric left us. I am not stupid, I know my brother is not coming back, but something about selling the thing he loved the most in his life (besides Clayton) felt very final. My brother lived, breathed, ate, slept and dreamed cows. When he was a kid and would play with his toys - he always played 'farm,' had farm toys, complete with little cows and tiny tractors with little implements which he used to plow up mom's flower beds, or laundry soap, or dirt behind the shed. He was a farmer from the start.

The other thing about my brother, he loved the sale barn. He worked down there for the last 30+ years. Every Monday. He did everything from ring man, to running and sorting cows to hauling. My dad worked down there too, and Grandma helped in the Red Barn Cafe for years - making all the cream pies, and homemade noodles for home cooked food that people went down there to eat whether they were buying/selling anything or not. Every Monday unless it was Christmas. Eric knew every farmer/rancher/cattleman in this part of the country. He loved bull$hitting with them, giving their kids the business, and talking about cows with them. Yesterday was not only a hard day for us as a family, but it was a hard day for the people who work at the sale as well. Sort of a tribute and final goodbye to him for them as well. I should have been more prepared. If I had thought about it harder, I would have known that 'his' people would be there. That it would be sad for all of us collectively. I thought about it from a lot of perspectives, but not the ones that mattered the most. Growing as a person is something I guess we all must continue to do.

When I tell you that I love an auction, I mean it. We grew up going to the auction. Some of my best childhood memories are of going to the Ottawa auction on Saturday morning with mom and/or grandma to sell their old hens. And of joking around about the people down there. Of watching the guy who owned a restaurant buy up all the old hens, pop their heads off and throw them in the trunk of his car (how godawful that car must have smelled). The day grandpa came in, grinning ear to ear and then watching as our neighbor delivered a bulldozer he got at some auction - and dad shaking his head and telling him he would end up killing himself on that thing. Grandpa just couldn't stop grinning the whole time. Mom rarely let us drink soda as kids, saying it would rot our teeth out and kill our bones. She was probably right, but dad....dad lived on a steady diet of Dr. Pepper, and nicotine. He let us drink soda. And if you rode along with him to an auction, he let you drink a lot of soda. Auctions give me nostalgia. Not this time though. This time, the auction just gave me a big old dose of sadness. I miss my brother.

I was thankful for a moment of happiness yesterday when Colin sent me some pictures of lil Dale doing his tummy time in the garage, followed by watching a movie. Looks to me like tummy time wore him out and he missed the movie parts! :)

I got home after the bus route thinking nothing would help my mood like putting in some time at the barn. Saige was not feeling well, so Harper and I did chores. I ran in to gather the eggs and found an enormous black snake eating my eggs! I don't mind sharing an egg with a black snake if it means that they will keep the mice away, however I am supposed to be getting some baby chickens later this week, so I am hoping he just sticks with egg stealing and not baby chicken stealing! He did not leave easily....I had to do a lot of tapping on him to get him to go on about his day.

Harper went on into the house, and I was working on some fences that needed tied down more, when I noticed that Blitz was leaning on me - physically pushing me toward the house. Last time she did that, a tornado hit about a mile from our house. I could hear the thunder, but was thinking I had a little bit of time before it would hit. I decided to go inside and check the weather.

And what I found was that our county was in a tornado warning, and that Jim was coming home from somewhere and was driving in the vicinity of where the tornado was being reported. I texted him the warning to watch the sky. And then started pacing between the kitchen and the Tv -something I often do when i am making dinner anyway, but amplified it a bit! Mallory came flying in the driveway at the same time as Jim got home. I was happy they were both safe.

The tornadic part of the storm stayed pretty far from us, however it did hit Ottawa, where Jim had been just a little bit before it got bad. The storm we got was loud, windy and a lot of rain! When it was over, I went outside and took photos of the back end of it. Strangely beautiful.