When I started kindergarten, I met this adorable red headed girl who I instantly loved. My bestie - still to this day. The one I call when I do something stupid and know I need to tell someone who absolutely won't judge me. The one who makes my sides split with her insane stories. The one who will show up 2 hours late, but will always be there....with snacks and drinks and will stay until well after any event to help you clean up and then continue to make you laugh until you wet your pants. My Dusty. And she has a little brother who was my brother's age. They were also fast friends, who so often got into trouble together it was mind blowing. Eric and Stony - two peas in a pod. The stories those 2 could tell, and the crap they got into - insane. Our moms used to "trade" kids - one would take the girls, one would take the boys. Both would trade back exhausted because having any Eagle child mixed with any Lang child is just a recipe for insanity. I love them. I spent about as much time at their house as I did my own. Their mom is like a second mom to me. Their family is my family. And this week, we lost Stony. He got sick, and that somehow then morphed into multi-organ failure. There was nothing more to do or to try. It was heartbreaking. I cannot believe that we lost them both within 3 months. I am saddened beyond belief, mad at them both for leaving us here without them, and just sick to my stomach. It is unreal, unfair, unbelievably depressing and sad. As I sat in their house last night, swapping stories and swallowing down sadness like some sort of horrible tasting cough syrup, I couldn't help but be a little bit curious to as if God knew what he was doing - I bet there was one hell of a reunion yesterday. I went to bed last night and had this weird dream where those two boys, and their friend Donny who also passed away this year were standing in what looked like an office. I heard a loud voice saying "you guys are fairly immature" and my brother responded with "I know you are, but what am I?" and they all busted up laughing. I think God might have his hands full.
Anyway, this year seemed to take more than it gave, and I am feeling like we don't need any more sadness or loss.
And through my sadness, I am still trying to be thankful every day. Today, I am thankful for grandkids, and for the fact that our family continues to grow and stick together. My family is my why.
I am also trying to approach this season with at list a bit of the joy that I know it deserves, which has been increasingly difficult due to circumstances beyond my control. One thing I seem to keep seeing are these amazingly brilliant sun rises and sunsets. Proof that God loves pink. They seem to hit me at all the times I need them to, and I draw some comfort in knowing that there is still beauty in the world, you just sometimes have to look for it a little harder.
I have also been thinking a lot about those who have gone before us. I was setting up this nativity that Grandma Nellie made, and was laughing about her little nuances. Things you cannot explain if you didn't know her. And about her husband, grandpa Carl. It always made me feel happy at how much they loved each other. Like a good example of what marriage could be. And my father in law. He and I didn't always see eye to eye on things, but I was always fond of how when you would talk to him, he would listen. He would then look up information about whatever you talked about so that he knew more about it the next time you visited with him. I miss his emails telling me about goat people, and goat business opportunities. And my grandparents Robert and Shirley, who helped raise us....teaching us to work but somehow not making it seem like work. Always cooking or doing a project. I hope wherever they are, they had an opportunity to sit down and rest for a while. My life has been a series of blessings and I know that. I just hope we can keep the losses out of things for a long time.
