If ya can’t beat em….

If you have been around any kids lately, you will know.  It will haunt your sleep.  The 6-7 thing.  They say things like hey Ms Hope - hey Ms Hope.  I reply with yes?  And they say 6-7. Siiixxxxxx seeevvven.  Why?  I’m not sure.  Saige says it is from some meme or making fun of some basketball announcer.  I’d guess 90% of the kids saying it have no more idea why than I do.  I usually respond with 8-9.  Eighhhttt niiineee.  They sometimes respond with that’s not it!  Or they stare blankly. It annoys my bus para so much that she gives an assigned seat for 6-7 weeks if she hears you even breath it!  I prefer 6-7 to them yelling out Ohio Riz!  Or skippidy toilet!  I sometimes hear my father in my head saying these kids need to be worked harder!   Mostly it doesn’t bother me, but I don’t spend all day with them!   Which is why I laughed when Mallory told me if ya can’t beat em, join em. And they had 6-7 day for the 67th day of school.  They did crafts and math and snacks and I don’t know what all else centered around 67.  If you are a teacher, I guess everything becomes a math lesson.   

I did talk to Mallory’s principal this week. Or he might be called dean or headmaster?  Private school rules- who can really tell?  Anyway he is an old family friend. I thanked him because it is so nice to see Mallory back with a smile on her face and a spark and passion for teaching again. She is having a good year!  I am truly happy about that. 

Evelyn also had 6-7 day.  She wrote the sweetest paper about what she would do if she had 67 dollars.  I cannot tell you how proud I am of her. She is sweet and empathetic and just amazing.  Also if 67 dollars could buy my brother back, I would happily contribute.  There are a lot of people  who lack empathy in the world. I’m so proud that my grandkid isn’t one of them. 

A buck that ran across road in front of 

Mallory. Right before  the end of our driveway.  She didn’t hit it, but she did take a picture.  I  see this guy and one with a messed up rack almost daily.  I have learned to watch the ditches closely out here! One of my bus kids told me he was going to hunt in Oklahoma.  I said Why? There is a big buck standing right there in your yard!  He said dang it why did you point that out - now I want to get off the bus and spend today hunting.  I told him it’s  not hunting if they are in your yard! 

I am not opposed to people hunting.  And I know this kid really does use the meat. But I love seeing them and hate to think about them being shot. Maybe I’m just a weird person. To me they are peaceful and beautiful.  But thinning them down probably is better for the front end of a lot of vehicles!  

I love that Lawson is going to Amy's daycare, so that I get cute photos like these!  And I get to see him some too!  He is a cute and sweet little buggar!

Next week, this boy will be 26 years old.  What does he do on his lunch break when there is snow?  He runs home to make snow ice cream.  You can't take the redneck out, even when they are grown up kids!  At least he is awesome for entertainment purposes! 

 

Saige’s band concert

Saige had her 8th grade holiday concert last night.  The bands sounded great.  The choir also sounded good....I am impressed with the new choir director trying really hard to rebuild a program that used to be pretty good, and then sort of tanked out.  The new band director is doing a great job with these kids, and I am happy that the music programs in our district are doing great!  

Saige had 15 minutes after we picked her up from wrestling practice to eat, and get dressed for the concert.  She wasn't in the best mood.  Thankfully, a quick trip to Casey's and borrowing Mallory's bathroom and hairbrush, and she was better!  I am glad Mallory has a house in town, and doesn't get too upset about us invading her space!  Luckily, Saige brought her own clothes, I remember a time when Mallory was sitting in a concert Quincy was in and said "hey that those are my clothes she is wearing!"  No closet raiding had to happen last night!  

I am going to tell a funny story though, because sometimes you have to find entertainment where you are.  Jim was taking pictures for me, as I was using my phone for facetime.  He would frame in Saige, and then snap the picture.  His phone has about a 1 second delay on taking the pictures and in that one second, the band director would move her arm, and his photo would be of the arm, not of Saige.  It happened over and over again and it was hilarious.  If you want to find Saige in the video, look in the band director's armpit!  :)  Sorry Jim - I know you didn't find the humor in it, but it made me laugh anyway.  (and thanks for your help).  

This is our first of about 30 concerts to attend, and is also Saige's last grade school holiday concert.  I should be sad about it, but I am not.  I love the band.  I love that the kids are learning to play music, and I love the people who put countless hours into helping with my child getting musical education.  I hate sitting in a gym filled with coughing, sneezing snotting sick people.  I hate that they don't set up more chairs so that you are not crammed in like sardines, and leave there feeling like you need to take a hot shower in bleach and lysol.  Love/hate for me for sure on concerts, particularly during the holidays.  I do love Saige, and I am happy she is learning to be a clarinet boss!

 

5 day weekend down the drain

I think we had a couple of days we needed.  The weather got cold, and I spent time in my happy place, cooking for my people.  And the dogs might have gotten a little bite or 2 of leftovers.  I was happy to have very little going on and stay mostly at home this weekend.  We finished our sacristan duties, just in time for advent. We are going to help with vacuuming this month, since aunt Karen is still not able to do it.  I am happy that she is doing the rest though, as I am just not up to date on changing alter cloths and making things match and be set up for the season. 

I know that we are supposed to be preparing for Christmas (the coming of Christ into our lives) during advent, but it always feels like a timer to me.  Like a giant finger pointing at me screaming “you aren’t ready….you have not done the things you promised yourself you would do this time last year.”  There were no monthly gifts purchased and wrapped so that the stress of the season is less.  There are no cards written or Christmas decorations up or even thought of.  There is no planning that has been started.  Just the way it always is for me.  I suppose it is time to get honest and just admit defeat.  I will always swing by the seat of my pants, doing everything last minute.  Scurrying around with too many things on my list, too many things I want to do, too many things to accomplish, too much year end work to do at my office to feel good about taking a day off.  Too much.  Add in school schedules, and kid needs for their parties and pajama days and movie viewing days and bowling parties. And one certain child who has decided to do the 3 week girl’s junior high wrestling season, about 24 band and choir concerts, 5 birthdays complete with parties, the expected new grandson ,  and a partridge in a pear tree.  I’m dizzy.  But I also know that Jim will step in and take over half of the things.  He will make sure that it gets done.  He will take my lists and my hiney,  load us in the car and help me accomplish every last thing because that is what he does.  Which is why I spent the weekend cooking for him- so that he has the strength to take my disaster and turn it right side up.  ;) 

Our mass this morning was offered for my grandparents and brother.  It caught me off guard and I had already been feeling a little off kilter.  In order to keep myself from just losing it, I started concentrating on Sunday dinner.  I was completely spaced off thinking about chili and baked potato bar.  Am I going to get to heaven dreaming about Chili in church?  I don’t know. But some days call for a pot of chili simmering on the stove, and this was one such day.  Evelyn even told me it was super good chili.  And if you want to know a true food critic, it is Evie.  Having the kids over brightened the day up and I am feeling a lot more positive this evening.  I love these little people.  What a blessing to have them in our lives!  

Evie was making us “bowls of ice cream” and then laughing like a hyena because it was some slime foam that Saige has.  Wrenley came in, showed me her jeans, and then said she was hot and stripped down to her diaper.  Seriously, get ya some grandkids.  It’s the best thing in entertainment. 

Back to reality I guess.  I was told to go start up the bus  and make sure it was going to run (the temperature dropped pretty significantly this weekend).  It started right up.  Darn it.  I owe I owe- it’s off to work I go.  

 

A little bit of my Thanksgiving brain

 

I have been deep in thought this Thanksgiving.  It has been weird for me. Tying to  be thankful, trying to count my blessings, trying to carry on tradition while also feeling a deep sense of sorrow at the empty seat that I can’t help but notice at our table this year. 

It is hard to grieve and feel blessed in the same timeframe for me.  I feel guilt at being the one who gets to carry on. At being left here to know my grandkids, and to be the one who gets to watch Clayton grow.   I’m feeling a little bit angry over the fact that I don’t feel like Eric’s life here should be over. But the problem is that those aren’t my decisions to make.  I don’t get to have any power over when people are born or when people die.  And I guess we are supposed to just accept it in blind faith. But I can’t accept it.  I can’t just say oh gee this is somehow God’s will and I am good with it.  Circle back to guilt.  Death is weird. It is messy and emotional and frustrating and filled with all the what if’s and the shoulda couldas.  And you cannot shut it off.  And about the time you think you have mastered your thoughts on it, bedtime hits and you lay there with your brain in the dark of night starting the whole thing over again. I can’t forget.  I can’t not be there for Clayton and my parents. I can’t not carry on traditions for my own kids and grandkids. I don’t want to stop living my life in a thankful way. Because I knew my brother. I know how life threw crap at him and yet he was never really angry, he expressed his anger in deep sorrow, and I think he would be very sad if we just stopped living because he was gone.  And I like to think he is with my grandparents and all my other relatives who have gone before us.  I hope they celebrate holidays playing  cards, and too many people,  and too much food and a few drinks  the way we always have.  I hope he is happy somewhere. Somehow. 

When Covid got bad people kept saying  “this is our new normal” and honestly that phrase pissed me off like nothing else about it did.  But now I keep thinking this is our new normal. And it still pisses me off.  I don’t like new normal.  I want things the way they have always been. I was am exceptionally lucky person,  to grow up the way I did. Surrounded by people who loved me.  To marry a man who loves me and our kids. Always with enough.  And I have worked really hard to make sure my own kids have enough.  Enough love. Enough of our attention. Enough food and warmth and the right supplies and clothes for whatever was happening.   And in a world where I have been this privileged, I think I am not very good at accepting when things aren’t perfect.  An inadequacy of mine. Something to work on I guess.  At the end of my days, I hope I will be judged for the effort put in, and not the results of my actions. 

Also this Thanksgiving, I have been saying some extra prayers for my friend Grace and her husband James.  He was diagnosed with leukemia.  He is spending the holidays in the hospital.  The type of leukemia he has is very aggressive, but also very treatable as long as you find it early, and treat it aggressively.  It is hard to have loved ones be sick and in the hospital, and it is hard to think about any outcome that is not positive.  I am praying for both of them, and for healing for James.  

Everything is worth  it when I sit beside all of my people and see how much love there is surrounding us.