Today we didn’t have Sunday dinner because the girls were going to Christmas in Carbondale. They had fun seeing Santa, writing their Christmas letters, eating and doing crafts.
Wren was scared of Santa though. So no photos of her with the big guy.
We didn’t even have to go to church today, since we went last night. We slept in. Worked a little outside. And then I looked at the calendar and the upcoming events of the next couple of weeks. I panicked. I thought if we didn’t decorate today, it probably wasn’t happening at all. Problem is that nobody wanted to help me. I remember when I could barely contain the mass hoard of people wanting to put up all the things. I made a deal with the girls if they carried it up out of the basement, I would take care of it. And so they did. And so did I. Except it took me a very long time and I was having a little too much fun. Then Quincy came upstairs and she told me to stop - that I would hate myself in January. She’s not wrong so then the girls carried the boxes back down and I only put up half of what I planned. It’s ok though because I got my pink tree!
For a number of years now, I have been wanting a pink Christmas tree. My mom bought this for me for my birthday this year. And I love it! I think I need a few more silver decorations but i am completely obsessed! I also think maybe a few more lights, but I wasn’t leaving the house today, so I went with what I had! Next year!
If you have been around here for a while, you probably already know that Christmas is not my fav. I know why, and I acknowledge that part of my problem is that I am a procrastinator and if I would plan ahead more, it would make the situation better. But also, I like to go shopping for things I want to do or things I specifically want to find. I don't like to go shopping and try to pick things out for other people. Other people who have very different opinions than mine. I also do not like crowds, and I cannot stand piped in Christmas music causing everyone to feel like an urgent rush and crisis is about to happen. So this year, I forced myself to sit down and order every single thing online. I am done shopping. I am done planning. I am done with everything except my Christmas card, which I am planning to take care of tomorrow. And groceries of course. I also organized my calendar, and got everything planned out, and scheduled except for the birth of the baby, which we can't plan, and for cementing the plans for Jim's side of the family. I have a list of groceries to buy. I have a schedule and all the things decorated. This is going to be so much better than ever before (I hope). One of the biggest reasons I don't like Christmas is that to me, it is a magnifying glass for all of my imperfections. Did I improve my life this year? Did we meet any of the goals that I set for myself and for my family? Are we better off financially? Spiritually? Have we kept up with our friends and family? And since I am always stressed the answers are always NO....even if that is not entirely accurate. It is a vicious circle of mental gymnastics, shopping, stress, being over tired, and running. This year, I am forcing myself to say yes. Yes we are better off than we were last year. Yes we are more blessed. Yes, I am attempting to live my life in a better way. Also, am I tired? Yes. Am I insane? Yes!
Wrenley is tired but not from entering the mind of grammy.....she wore herself out at the Christmas festivities!
Other things I am thinking about. My son's birthday is tomorrow. I am so proud of him. He is living a good life and doing good things. I know that life this year is not what he had planned. But when he got kicked in the teeth, he jumped up. went back to church and worked on his faith, started working out, accepted help, and really made an effort to improve his own life. He is happy and he is smart and resourceful. I love him and I am thankful for him.
Also sometimes I forget how much our lives have changed, and how quickly we arrived at this place. I am very proud of our adult children, but I will always miss the little kid faced, sugar eating, rotten ornery babies that we raised.
And since you seem to have stayed around for this bucket of randomness, I got this photo of the girls eating ice cream sundaes a few days back. I had to laugh - as Madison was sure to point out that she had fed them actual dinner before this. One time. One time in 30 years of raising kids, our air conditioning was out, and it was hot. And I fed my kids a dinner of ice cream sundaes. One time there was no main meal. Just ice cream. I would think this would be a good thing for a kid, but apparently it traumatized everyone!
That's about all the thinking I am going to do on a Sunday evening. Have a great week!
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