The weird place.

 

This has been a very weird week.  Trying to figure out logistics. Dealing with big emotions.  Trying to figure out if we can help our kids, even if we aren’t close by.  Feeling guilty for not being helpful.  Trying to keep in contact with everyone when dealing with all of the life stuff.  Just a lot.  

Yesterday was Eric’s birthday.  He would have been 51. My mom said it best when she said “how the hell is he just not here?”  And I felt that. The loss is just big.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my brother. Both of them actually. Brian has stepped up to help dad.  Brian’s sons, Garrett and Gavin have stepped up as well.  I am thankful for them.  I wish I knew how to do farm guy stuff.  I don’t.   Teaching me would be harder and more time consuming than anyone of us needs.  Which is why I’m glad they stepped in.  

I miss Eric.  If he was here, he wouldn’t have wanted a big ta-doo. He just wasn’t like that.  He was a guy who showed love through acts of service.  Same as my dad.  They don’t say “I love you” they just show up to pull your car out of the mud. Or bring you tools.  Or tell you what feed to use.  Or deliver your new washing machine. Or show up at your door when you are moving across town with a truck and a shrug.  If Eric was here, I would have texted him and he would have ignored it, but thanked me later.  How do you honor a guy like that?  Parties for people who are no longer with us seem weird and maybe even inappropriate.  Ignoring a person’s existence and death doesn’t make the pain less.  So we got together as a family.  We hung out together for a little blip of time.  Nothing much was said, but we all know.  There is strength in sticking together.  There is pain, and love and even a little bit of healing in remembering, and I will continue to do what I can to preserve Eric's memory. 

This little girl is going to her screening for preschool.  HOW?  What the actual heck?

And this little one is making progress.  His surgery went well, and he might even get to go home soon! I am glad he is doing better!  I have been so worried.  I am thankful for Spencer and Colin sending photos and keeping us updated.  We love you little buddy....get better so we can play!

Spencer also sent a preview of his newborn photo shoot.  I am planning to frame this one!  So cute!

Side note - because it is funny --- Spencer sent this photo of Colin holding Easton.  It is a very sweet picture.  But then I scrolled in on Easton's face - I don' think he is very impressed with the care he is getting at the hospital!