I think I am officially old now. I have a late afternoon meeting, and Jim has his fraternity lunch today, but we didn’t have to be up early. I actually asked him if he needed an alarm set because he needs to leave at 10 and I said we were sleeping in! I was up at 6. When you are officially old, 6 is sleeping in I guess. I’m sort of annoyed by it, but I do like having some time by myself before the craziness starts. My other problem is that because the last 6 weeks have been absolutely insane, I am confused on days. When I woke up at 6, I was “oversleeping” by an hour if I had to drive the bus. My brain panicked, which means there was no going back to sleep, even after I realized it was Saturday! Stupid brain!
I did wake up to this photo from Cameron. He is up early this morning because he has his work adventure race. It actually sounded fun, and perhaps on a different day I would have taken him up on his offer for me to join his team, but I just couldn’t commit to that today. It is basically a big, corporate scavenger hunt. Be safe Cameron! And have a good time!
One thing I never buy is school photos. They are always terrible. They never seem to capture how my kids actually look! Seriously. But they do crack me up. Harper Joy- we spent thousands of dollars on your teeth - maybe you could smile a little bit!
I have had some time to reflect a little bit since the funeral. I am not a person who takes photos at a funeral. However, I was sent these photos. The top ones are from the visitation. The line stretched clear down the block with people who showed up, and then waited to express their sympathies. My brother never knew a stranger. I didn’t know half the people who came through but they all knew my brother. Eric was truly very loved.
The bottom photos are Wrenley sitting at my grandparent’s grave. Someone left a dish that looks like hands - and it has a bunch of change in it. Wrenley was really infatuated and wanted the money. She was sitting there trying to figure out how to get it when we weren’t looking! She is a funny kid.
Which made me start thinking about how much my grandma and grandpa would love her. It makes me sad that they don’t know her. And it makes me sad that she won’t have memories of her great uncle. Life is just not fair. I’m not sure how we move forward from here. I feel like I joined a club I don’t want to be in.
And the opening package of this club gives you beautiful flowers. But the flowers make you cry as you plant them. And you feel a strange sense of urgency to keep them alive because it is something that you might be able to do. And then the memories come flooding in and the tears show up and you can’t stop them from flowing because you are just sort of lost and broken. And you think gosh I hate this club I don’t want to be in it. But there is no
way to revoke your membership. And so you water the flowers and you fertilize them but the whole time you already know that whether they make it or not was never up to you anyway. 
Thankfully I have some amazing friends. Some have been here. Some are in this club. Some are amazing with advice. Some are amazing with making me laugh. And I am eternally grateful to have good people surrounding me and my family.
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