Reconciliation

27 years ago (almost 28), we had our first children.  A beautiful set of twin girls, who we were so blessed to finally meet!  I had struggled to first get pregnant, and then to carry the girls to term, and then Madison was born with a diaphragmatic hernia, which required her to be air lifted to Kansas City for surgery.  She was a very, very sick child, and although we had no idea (the internet was not real prevalent at that time) how sick she actually was, the very act of having to hand over a baby we wanted and worked so hard for was soul crushing.  I will never forget that day, one of the best and yet hardest days of my life.  I was so excited about being a mom, I was so happy to hear my little girls cry, I was so devastated over not having the natural childbirth I dreamed of.  We were both devastated that the problem the sonographer thought they could see was actually correct.  I cried, I felt broken, I had to trust that everyone but me knew what was best for my baby girls.  And then I had to hug my husband and tell him goodbye so that someone could go to KC to be with the very sick baby, and that someone could not be me, as I had just had a major surgery.  Mallory was ok, and I am so happy that I was able to be with her, and had her to sort of lessen the blow of them snatching Madison away from me, after I had only been allowed to see her for a few minutes, and never allowed to hold her at all.  Madison, as we all know, was a fighter.  She had surgery at 24 hours old, endured a 4 week NICU stay, and regrew her missing lung in less than 1 year.  She has amazed us, and been a complete blessing to our lives.  During her surgery and hospitalization, she was given donated blood.  It saved her life.  I promised myself that I would donate blood as soon as I could, as I wanted to give back to the program that helped save my child's life.  

Five years ago, we had a surprise grandchild.  Again, she was born early and spent weeks in the NICU.  Again, she was given donor blood, and it helped save her life.  Again, I told myself I would donate blood.

Four years ago, my very sweet grandchild was extremely sick with anemia.  She was hospitalized and again given donated blood.  Again, I promised that I would begin donating blood.  

Three times I promised myself that I would give to this worthy cause, and three times I have failed to uphold that promise.  Three times my loved ones have been saved by the generosity of strangers.  Three times I have prayed for miracles, and they were granted.  And three times I failed to give back.  I have no idea why.  Sometimes in the heat of the moment you know how important things are, but when the crisis is over it is easy to put off doing what you promised yourself you would do.  Last week, the school sent out an email, one of the clubs was having a community blood drive as their community service project.  They were begging people to donate.  It struck me that I had never upheld the promises that I made to donate when my crises were over.  I can do better than that right?  So today, for the first time, I made a donation.  Honesty, one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life.  And I got a free shirt, free snacks, and a free STD screening (although if that doesn't come back clean, I am going to have a lot of issues with my spouse).  

I feel better having kept my promise.  I hope my blood gets used, and it helps somebody.  I will continue to donate whenever I can.  I feel like this was reconciliation I needed today.