Locusts

Welp- the sun is setting on our summer vacation.  As usual, time has been a thief and robbed us of more time.  No more schedule-less days, filled with doing anything we wanted.  No more lazy afternoons spent aimlessly floating in a pool, no more staying up late just visiting in the living room.  No more experimental dinners made from weird ingredients after late evenings at the ballpark.  No more 9 pm ice cream runs without a worry about the 5-6 am wake up calls. It’s been a good one, and My God I hate for it to end.  

It has always been this way for me.   I was in the pool this evening, scooping leaves and wishing we had just a few more days.  The locusts were screaming all around me and I found myself suddenly transported backwards.  Back to 10 year old me, sitting on the retaining wall in my parent’s yard- locusts above my head screaming, feeling sad that summer was over.    Worrying about whether I was smart enough to pass the 5th grade and wondering if my friends would still like me, and worrying about whether I was going to be the only one wearing shorts and I’m sure more things that are important when you’re 10.  I flashed forward a little bit to 18 year old me - sitting on a porch swing in Manhattan- locusts screaming around me. I was freshly dropped off by my parents, trying not to cry because after all, moving to KSU was my idea.  Wondering if I was smart enough to pass classes there.  Worrying about whether I would be able to pay all my bills being out on my own for the first time, not wanting to disappoint my parents. Worrying about whether I would be able to make new friends after having had the same ones for literally my entire childhood.  And today listening to the godforsaken locusts like a taunt - reminding me that life is ever changing.  That I cannot slow time down, nor should I want to.  But always worrying nonetheless.  Did the kids have as good of a summer as they deserved?  Did we do all the things we wanted to?   Do they feel ok about the new year?   Did we spend enough time as a family?  Did we teach Preston enough so that he will be ok on his own?  Does he know how much he is loved and how proud we are?  And I yelled (internally- because I’m not totally insane) at myself and said that is enough.  Everything always works out. You can’t fix what has already happened.  You have to set a good example for the kids and go into this new school year with a positive attitude.   Get it together woman.   So that’s where I am at today.  If you’re even still with me - In my place of melancholy.   I will be completely fine tomorrow.  This will be a good school year.  Life will keep moving and keep us busy, keeping our minds and hearts full.   It will all be ok tomorrow.  

Plus, who can stay in a depressing, sad mood when you have so many sweet little people around.  Today, I sat in a bus meeting with 4 generations of women from my family.  My mom, me, Madison and her girls.  All of us are mighty busing women.  Evelyn is the bus boss.  We were given all of the things we need, and we pray for safety, intelligent decisions, and well behaved children.  Time to roll out.  

After the meeting, I wanted to get into my perfectly crystal clear pool, but instead we took Saige to her school open house.  It is Harper’s school as well, but she has been having a stay home summer, and wasn’t about to break her streak of staying home every chance she gets. Saige picked up her schedule, met her teachers, is excited about switching classes this year, and we were able to find her locker and navigate learning to operate a combination lock.  She is ready.  

I guess we all are ready, tomorrow is happening regardless.