Wednesday

A few photos from last weekend.  We are still working on helping Madison so she can take  her bus driving test.   She is doing really well.  Sunday, we went over to use Grandma’s driveway for learning to back up.  We have a little more work to do, and a different co-worker is going to work with her on the pre-trip inspection part of the test.   I am proud of her for working so hard.  She seems to be liking driving the vo-tech van, and spending her days with this sweet little baby girl!  

When we got back from practicing, Wrenley was hungry!  She was patiently waiting, but was working that thumb over pretty good!  She is such a sweet, easy going little thing!  

This week has been incredible weather-wise.  Highs in the 70's!  It is amazing!  I have been loving every minute of it!  The city also took advantage of the nice days, and put up the town Christmas decorations.  The man from Evergy donates his time, and it makes the job so much easier!  Preston's friend Chayt (in dark blue) was helping, so I took this picture to send to Preston.  Evie had a great time sitting on the bench in front of my office watching them.  At one point,  I went to the bathroom, only to come out and find her sitting there with my board treasurer, eating M&M's, and heckling the workers.  She sure does have this entire town wrapped around her little finger!  

Since I had board people coming by, Madison brought Evie over to me, rather than me meeting her.  That is good news because it meant I got to play with Wrenley for a few extra minutes.  When they were getting ready to leave, Evie wanted to hug Wrenley goodbye.  I was amused by the look of "help me" on that baby!  She is truly the child with a million faces!  

For about the last 20 years, we have been going to Religion Ed on Wednesday nights.  The kids are now done with their RE classes, and I retired at the end of last year, so our Wednesday nights look vastly different than they used to!  I have always sort of hated Wednesday nights, not because I hated RE, but because the classes started at 6 in a neighboring town, and it was a fiasco trying to get everyone home, fed, ready, and driven over there.  Now, my youngest girls are a month away from making their confirmation, and we have been doing their classes from home.  It is sort of weird after so many years, to have the evenings at home.  Last night, we picked up a load of meat that my parents gave us for a Christmas gift (the very best, amazing Christmas gift).  As a result, I had a lot of bloody boxes.  Jim had a pile of things that needed to be burned, so I just decided to take care of that for him, and get rid of the boxes.  It might have been a mistake, as the fire got a little bigger, and a lot hotter than what I had envisioned, but we got it done!  Jim came home when I was almost finished and added a couple more things to the fire and I didn't ask, but I think he might have been a little sad that we burned things without him, as he is my number 1 pyro!  I will say that I enjoyed having to stand out there and watch the fire, as the girls were helping me.  I had quite a conversation with Quincy and Harper.....let's just say I will never cross those two girls - they are terrifying.  :)  

This week, I have been doing a lot of reflecting for some reason.  I think this time of year just brings that out of me.  Or maybe, the fact that my husband spit out 'this is our last year of having a kid who is younger than a teenager,' or maybe it is just the way the brain works when you don't need it to.  I have never wanted to do a lot in my life, never had really lofty goals, never wanted to generate enormous wealth, never wanted a mcmansion, or had any interest in driving fancy cars.  I have always found happiness in the barn, or in sharing a meal with my family or friends.  I have no desire to take elaborate vacations, and I am happiest when I am at home.  The only thing I ever wanted to do with any burning desire was to be a mom.  And I love being a mom.  I take great pleasure in seeing my kids grow up, and I am so proud of the way they have grown, embraced life, conquered fears, gotten educations and careers going, and learned to share their lives with people who I have adopted as my own, because I truly believe the more the merrier.  That being said, I never knew how fast things would fly by.  I never knew that from the day I brought the first little, tiny, fragile babies into our house, until the time I would be staring down the throat of having them all out of the house would feel like about 10 minutes.  I may have even shed a few tears about it this week, as sometimes I struggle, like everyone does from time to time.  Jim, on occasion, doesn't' know who he will be coming home to!  One thing though, Jim is always loyal to the person that he knows is under the crazy.  I couldn't ask for a better person to do life with.  It might be crazy, or passionate, or heavily invested, or maybe it is hormonal, who really knows?  Poor ol Jim.  One thing about the kids growing up that is the most amazing blessings came from it!  My granddaughters bring me immense joy!  They are beautiful, amazing, smart, funny, little blessings who I am completely obsessed with!  Life is good, and even if I have an occasional reflective, tear filled, chaotic, emotional day once in a while, I know what my blessings are.    

Saige is 12!

My baby girl - Saige Grace- is 12 years old today!  Time really does fly when you’re having fun.  Saige is sweet, but sassy,  ornery but sincere, kind but not afraid to stand up for herself or others.  She can  be the most insightful, deep thinker, but also zing you with an insult that will curl your hair.  She is amazing and we love her!   I am so thankful for her….not many I know can say they have an 8, but ours is a great blessing.  

Because I knew Jim and I both had meetings this evening, I took Saige shopping yesterday so she could pick out some gifts.  She got several new pairs of pants, because she has grown too tall for last year’s!   When we were done clothes shopping, she wanted to go to 5 below.  That store is great, but for some reason none of the things Saige wanted were on the below.  I teased her about being my 5 above girl.   She was happy to get some things she has been wanting for her room, and a bottle of “genie” perfume. I was confused, because that is definitely not the name on the bottle.   Instant eye roll- geez mom it’s just because of the shape of the bottle that everyone calls it that. Alrighty then, glad you were here because I was flashing back to the year Eric wanted parachute pants, and my poor mother went all over town looking for umbrella pants.  Guess what Eric did not get for Christmas?  

Why yes, her cake does seem to have more than 12 candles on there.  You see, if you buy a new box of candles, Saige thinks they are ALL for her!  Must use the entire box!  Good thing candles are cheap, and I am too old to get my undies in a wad over that.  

Anyway, happy birthday Saige!  We love you!  

Weekend thoughts

This day had a long list of things to accomplish attatched to it.  I didn’t have to work, we had no commitments, and I know what the next week holds.  Productivity was crucial in my plans.   I got up early, fixed breakfast for the slumber party kids, made sure they packed up their stuff so they could get out the door on time for their volleyball games, showered and then took everyone home.  Quincy had agreed to helping Harper clean the church, so that got checked off the list.  

I came home, traded the laundry loads around, made some lunch and then sat down.  Mistake.  Then Jim wanted to have some help with updating our chewey order.  Then the KSU game came on.  Then….the next thing I knew it was 4:30, I had no idea what we were making for dinner, chores still needed to be done, and I had accomplished nothing.  And as bad as I should feel about it, I can’t make myself care.  I spent some time hanging out with Jim, enjoyed watching the game, took a couple of catnaps, made a great dinner, and the lists will be there tomorrow.   At this point, there’s nothing I could do about it anyway.  

I think I told you that when I went to do chores, the quail were gone.  I was upset.  We went out this morning and there they stood, waiting patiently for their breakfast!   Thank goodness when I thought they had all escaped, I didn’t remove the food and water pans!   These crazy things are apparently extremely good at hiding.  Tonight, I once again saw zero birds.  Saige was feeding chickens and came over to look.  She found them, nested down underneath a log.   They blended in perfectly!   Such good little hiders!  

I love when I get photos from my older kids.  Colin sent me their Christmas photo from Cabella’s which I absolutely love.  Madison sent me some pictures of the girls.  I missed them today!  

This is Marjory.  I don’t know if you’ll remember, but last summer, someone dumped her and her sister.  We have both cats, although the sister is an outdoor cat…. We found Marj first.  She had been starved and severely mistreated.  She was skittish, would really only let Saige touch her, and hid for weeks, slowly coming out, but always staying close to the stairs where she would flee if you made any sudden moves.  It has taken us weeks, months actually, but she is now fairly friendly. Or at least a bit friendlier. Nothing makes me madder than when people mistreat animals.  You got a cat you don’t want?  Fine.  You rehome it, or shoot it. I don’t care.  It would be kinder to the animal to put it down than to starve it, beat it and leave it living in horrible conditions.  My opinion only.  When we brought Marj home, she was starved, skittish, when you would go to touch her she would flinch, and she was scared to death.  It was so sad.  She now is still on the skinny side, but is healthier looking, she still hides if things get too loud, she comes to Jim for treats, and she loves Saige.  If it is quiet, and I am sitting still, she will occasionally come sit on my lap.  If I move suddenly, she will still run.  If I approach her, she will run in fear.  She’s making progress, but it has been slow.  I hope she knows nobody here will hurt her ever again.  And there is one thing about this family- we always pay the mortgage first and then groceries. Family motto - food first.  I was always taught if your animas hadn’t been fed, you shouldn’t be eating.  My kids are pretty good about making sure things have food.  My husband is pretty liberal with the snack handing- I have no doubt that eventually she will be a fat, happy house cat.  Her sister came to us a week or so after we got Marj.  They are the same size, can barely be told apart- except Clem has a white nose.  They were in the same condition, and have identical cries.  I am convinced they are litter mates who were adopted together abused, and then dumped.  Clem was found at a farm not far from town.  She loves being in the barn, and since she had been in the barn at the farm, we left her as an outdoor cat.  She is less skittish, and loves to climb. She’s forever on top of the feed shed, in the rafters of the barn, on top of the chicken pen, or in the top of the trees.  She’s happy, and I am always happy to have a few barn cats around. She is friendly, where the other barn cats are wild, can’t get near them.  Sometimes Clem is a bit of a pain, she likes rubbing on your legs when you’re trying to walk.  I’m happy to have both of them.  Good kitties.  

Sunday is going to be dedicated to cleaning the basement, making up beds for Cameron and Preston who will be home for a few days for Thanksgiving, and making the basement where people can eat down there if the weather is cold when we have Langsgiving. It is going to need to be a much more productive day than Saturday was.  

Bday party

Saige will be turning 12 next week, and as such she wanted to have her annual sleep over with friends.  And so we did that last night.  Saige’s friends have different opinions on how a sleepover should go than previous children I have raised. These girls did not really want a bonfire to roast things over.  They weren’t really impressed by my expansive collection of cards and  games and sort of blank stared at my suggestion  of crafts.  Saige said mom can’t you just drop us off at Target for a couple hours?   Uhhhh drop off 6 girls for 2 hours?  No.  But I will take you, give you 45 minutes and I will go across the store to get a few groceries and things I’m out of.   Deal?  YES!   I was never worried that they would get kidnapped, because if you let 6 girls go in Target, you can hear them from anyplace in the store.   And I swear to you, at no point were they in danger, you’d be insane to mess with this group of girls.  I’ll explain why in a minute.   

They did good in Target, barely asked me to purchase anything, treated themselves to Starbucks (a first for Saige who discovered she really doesn’t like coffee), and were done and on time for my checkout.   They asked to eat at McDonald’s - which was completely fine by me. I even brought Jim home a quarter pounder which made him happy too.  Quincy took Harper to the high school musical to watch Jo, who is the donkey in a performance of Shrek. 

I hear a lot about how kids today are different than when we were growing up.  I spend a lot of my time with kids - my own and other people’s.  This is absolutely 100% correct.  It is not all bad, kids today are not bad. I would say they are somewhat entitled.  They are a group of people who have been handed a device that puts the entire world at their fingertips.  You want to know something?  Five seconds and you have all the knowledge you could ever want.  You want something?  You order it and it comes to your doorstep in a day or so.  You want to compare your something to someone else’s?  You pull up their profile and automatically can see what they have, where they bought it, how old it is.  You think a boy might like you?  You don’t have to wait for him to say so- you pick up your phone, snap him and ask.  If he says no, at least you don’t have to look at him while he’s saying it. They have zero secrets.  They put everything online for everyone to see.  You’re mad?  You throw it out there for the entire class to know “I’m pissed at my mom, at my sister, at little Janey who said this or that to me.”   It sort of makes them brave in a way, but it also never stops.  Saige knew who was mad that she didn’t invite them over last night 5 seconds into her party.  She was upset about it, and it was a conversation with the ones who were invited.  I told her it didn’t matter if they were mad, She can’t do anything about their feelings.  They will get over it.   But will they?  They will immerse themselves in the drama all weekend and yank her along with them. If I let it go on. And that is the problem, so many hand their kids phones and don’t pay enough attention to what they are saying to each other.  Myself included at times.  Luckily, my kids seem to mostly be the ones laughing about it, but I have noticed they also at times are the ones who aren’t laughing.  And it never, ever stops unless you as a parent say turn the phone off.  No phones after 9 pm.  Etc.  

when we got home, Saige tried to prank her friends by telling them there was a man in the woods behind the house.  These girls, rather than screaming and being scared, put on their shoes, marched outside to demand an explanation of why he would be trespassing.  What?   I told them y’all are the girls who are killed in the horror movie. They laughed at me.  I would never have put on shoes and marched into the dark!   I’m 100% sure we spent an entire night being terrified of a ghost in a window of a friend’s basement, only to find in the morning it was a blop of paint that was dropped when the house was painted.  If we had been braver, perhaps we could have just looked closer?   Oh hell no!   These kids are definitely different than we were!   

One thing that hasn’t changed- they squealed and laughed and ate themselves silly until 3 when I told Saige it was time to watch a movie or something.   

I hope they had fun.  I hope they made memories that they will carry into adulthood.  I hope they see me in the grocery store and laugh about my inability to understand what they are taking about.  I hope when they grow up, they are still friends like I am with the people I grew up with. Lifelong friends are the best friends.  (Dusty - I’m sorry we froze your bra, Adreinne- I’m sorry we put your hand in warm water to try to make you pee your pants,  Sally- I am still convinced you were moving the ouija board thingy, Kristy - you are still not light as a feather or stiff as a board,  Jennifer - my mom is still mad that your mom let us watch Poltergeist (I never told her about watching the Blie Lagoon) and to all the moms who put up with us, I’m sorry we made fun of your nighttime attire, squealed all night long and roared with laughter when you told us to go to bed). 

So close….

If you come here often, you might notice I take a lot of random sunset photos.  I have always done this, even when my mother would complain about using up all her film.  If I am obsessed with sun sets, it stands to reason I would also be obsessed with sun rises too right?   Yesterday morning was a real beauty!   I was thinking about a conversation I once had with Jim’s dad.  He told me he didn’t feel like he started off the day right unless he saw the sunrise.  I think I was sleep deprived, and although I was probably up early enough to watch the sunrise, I told him that I rarely took the time.  He told me I should reconsider, take a few seconds and it might change my life.  At the time, I think I had about 8 kids living at home, a husband who would do anything for me except for mornings, and about 10,999 things going on at every moment of my being.  I might have rolled my eyes.  Who knows.  A few years later, I took a job throwing the newspaper.  I had to start my day at 3:00 am every single day. I was always tired, and I purposefully tried to get back home before the sunrise because driving east on the way back, when you are exhausted, and having to look straight into the rising sun was a killer.  Currently, I drive a bus, and have hit the point in my life where sleeping in just doesn’t happen that often.  I see the sunrise almost every single day. Most days from behind the wheel of the bus.  I smiled a little bit remembering the conversation I had with my father-in-law.  He was right.  My mindset is better with a little bit of time each morning to enjoy the sunrise.  Incidentally, this is also about the only time I have a few minutes alone. I use it as a time for gratitude, a time to reflect, and a time to ask God for guidance and the gifts of patience, wisdom and intuition.   My days are a little less crazy now, with 5/8 of my kids living outside of our house.  The three I have left at home are all incredibly self-sufficient.  I do help them with the morning chores, but then I turn them loose to get themselves ready for school.  I am happy that I have more time for sunrises, but a big part of me misses all of the kids living under one roof.  (Jim is still most definitely NOT a morning person - he will have to stick to sunsets I guess!).  

Mallory made one of her “come visit at mealtime” visits last night.  I am thankful that she does this.  I like cooking, but Quincy generally eats at work, and Saige rarely likes anything I cook.  I appreciate Mal eating whatever I cook, never complaining about it, and me not having to eat as many lunches out of leftovers!   It does make me laugh how even dogs who are just visiting know that when Jim is here, it means snacks.  What you cannot see in the picture I snapped is there are actually 2 more dogs and 2 cats all sitting patiently, waiting for him to hand over the goods.   And he certainly does not disappoint them!  It makes me giggle how they all line up and wait when they see him head toward the kitchen.  He goes through bags and bags of dog snacks.  All our dogs and cats are getting rather chunky.  I think it secretly makes his whole day, I’m not about to stop him.  

This girl is having a sleepover with her friends at our house tonight.  They will have fun, but we weren’t home much last weekend, so we spent a pretty good chunk of our night cleaning the house.  It wasn’t really fun.  By Thursday, we are all tired and done with the week.  Cleaning was not really what any of us were in the mood for.  We did get done with our list though.  

My sweet grandkids are growing up so fast!  Evelyn is on birthday party high.  Yesterday she tried to get me to buy her a new dress for her upcoming party.  We looked online at dresses, but before I bought one, I texted her mother, because I didn't want to get something if she already had it.  Madison texted back to say that Evie had already conned grandma Rachel out of a new dress to wear to the party!  Needless to say, she is a little bit of a turkey!  Wrenley is growing so fast!  She is stinkin' adorable!    

Today, I am thankful that I do not have to work this weekend.  I am looking forward to a couple of projects.  I am pretty devastated that the quail project was a complete disaster and disappointment.  Somehow they escaped. In the cage yesterday morning at chore time.  I fed them, watered them and went to work.  Not in the cage when we went to do the evening chores.  Gone.  Vanished into thin air.  Gate shut, nothing broken, no visible signs of a struggle.  It was a terrible, mildly expensive lesson.  I am sticking with rabbits and chickens from now on, quail are too small, too flighty and too heartbreaking.  My only hope is that they escaped and are someplace living life as wild birds now.  

Reconciliation

27 years ago (almost 28), we had our first children.  A beautiful set of twin girls, who we were so blessed to finally meet!  I had struggled to first get pregnant, and then to carry the girls to term, and then Madison was born with a diaphragmatic hernia, which required her to be air lifted to Kansas City for surgery.  She was a very, very sick child, and although we had no idea (the internet was not real prevalent at that time) how sick she actually was, the very act of having to hand over a baby we wanted and worked so hard for was soul crushing.  I will never forget that day, one of the best and yet hardest days of my life.  I was so excited about being a mom, I was so happy to hear my little girls cry, I was so devastated over not having the natural childbirth I dreamed of.  We were both devastated that the problem the sonographer thought they could see was actually correct.  I cried, I felt broken, I had to trust that everyone but me knew what was best for my baby girls.  And then I had to hug my husband and tell him goodbye so that someone could go to KC to be with the very sick baby, and that someone could not be me, as I had just had a major surgery.  Mallory was ok, and I am so happy that I was able to be with her, and had her to sort of lessen the blow of them snatching Madison away from me, after I had only been allowed to see her for a few minutes, and never allowed to hold her at all.  Madison, as we all know, was a fighter.  She had surgery at 24 hours old, endured a 4 week NICU stay, and regrew her missing lung in less than 1 year.  She has amazed us, and been a complete blessing to our lives.  During her surgery and hospitalization, she was given donated blood.  It saved her life.  I promised myself that I would donate blood as soon as I could, as I wanted to give back to the program that helped save my child's life.  

Five years ago, we had a surprise grandchild.  Again, she was born early and spent weeks in the NICU.  Again, she was given donor blood, and it helped save her life.  Again, I told myself I would donate blood.

Four years ago, my very sweet grandchild was extremely sick with anemia.  She was hospitalized and again given donated blood.  Again, I promised that I would begin donating blood.  

Three times I promised myself that I would give to this worthy cause, and three times I have failed to uphold that promise.  Three times my loved ones have been saved by the generosity of strangers.  Three times I have prayed for miracles, and they were granted.  And three times I failed to give back.  I have no idea why.  Sometimes in the heat of the moment you know how important things are, but when the crisis is over it is easy to put off doing what you promised yourself you would do.  Last week, the school sent out an email, one of the clubs was having a community blood drive as their community service project.  They were begging people to donate.  It struck me that I had never upheld the promises that I made to donate when my crises were over.  I can do better than that right?  So today, for the first time, I made a donation.  Honesty, one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life.  And I got a free shirt, free snacks, and a free STD screening (although if that doesn't come back clean, I am going to have a lot of issues with my spouse).  

I feel better having kept my promise.  I hope my blood gets used, and it helps somebody.  I will continue to donate whenever I can.  I feel like this was reconciliation I needed today.  

The day “off”

The kids had a day off of school today.  I do not profess to know why exactly, but I never look a gift horse in the mouth.  I had a list, a couple of worthy causes, inspections to finish, and a 4-H meeting to prepare for.  

I started out early with good intentions.  Unfortunately, Jim had a setback on his back/hip pain progress.  He needed help.  I was happy to help him, but I am sad that the progress he had made seems to have taken a back slide.  We got him from the bedroom to the recliner, got him some breakfast so he could take some Tylenol and made a quick decision that he would not be going to his dentist appointment, or to work at least for the morning.  That gave me a brilliant idea….Quincy broke a tooth last week, I would just call and then send her in Jim’s place.  Which created a new problem because she is house sitting next door. She didn’t have school, so she was planning to sleep in their basement where it’s nice and dark and wasn’t planning to get up.  Try getting her to answer her phone under those conditions.  I had to put on my shoes, drive next door and knock until I woke up their dog, knowing that Minnie would bark and wake her up.  Now, I do possess a key to their house, but that wouldn’t have been near as much fun would it?  Also, she was going to be mad.  I didn’t want to risk having a shoe thrown at my head!   She did get up, but by the time she got their chores done and came home, the dentist office had called to say that the dentist was out today, so they couldn’t fix her up.  Once  again, risking getting a shoe thrown at my head I broke the news to her that I woke her up on her day off for no reason!   Whoopsie.  (No shoes were thrown, but if looks could kill…..). 

I made sure Jim was settled in and went out to deal with the quail.   I am sorry if you are sick of quail pics, but I am completely obsessed!   I love how they already recognizing the lunch lady.  I love how they make little sweet noises.  I love how they hide and are sort of timid, but are sort of curious at the same time.   I was a little alarmed to see that something (likely a raccoon) had moved the rocks I had placed around the bottom of the poultry netting to keep it tight.  They cannot get through the chain link, but they absolutely moved every single rock.  Oh how I hate raccoons!   Of course, I bought some “livestock guardian” type dogs- but it is relatively hard to guard livestock when you are busy laying on the couch!

Today I finished up the last of the inspections I have to do.  Two of the lakes we visited today are my favorites.  So much beauty and peace.   We have 2 more days of federal inspections, but my maintenance guy will accompany them and I won’t go along.   My out of the office days of being outside in the nice fall weather are over for this year.  I’m ok with being finished.  Always nice to mark things off my lists!   I have a relatively new maintenance person. He has done a remarkable job.  He has busted his buns and it was very apparent.  He’s not quite as personable as my last person, but I sure can’t fault him on the job he has done for us this year. My life is made easier by having good people in place, that is for sure!  

The girls had a 4-H meeting this evening. I ran out to load stuff in the car and was pretty blown away by how beautiful the sky was.  Have I mentioned lately that I love where I live?  You know what I don’t like? The fact that it was 5 pm and well on the way to being dark!  

Jim isn’t better this evening, but he did go to work this afternoon.   I have a feeling that he needs another trip to the doctor or the chiropractor.   The rest of this week is bound to me hard for him with it being his crazy meeting week.  We will figure out something that works I hope.