Cinco de Mayo

 

It has been 11 years since you left us.  Eleven years of doing all the things you loved without you here.  Eleven years with a hole we just can’t quite fill.   I don’t know how many times I have made copies of ball schedules so I could give you one, because I know you loved the ballpark.  How many graduations, baptisms, family gatherings, school programs, birthdays, holidays  and everything else where I know you would have been there.  I still do not know how to live without you here.  You are missed every single day.  I do draw some comfort in the thought that you would be proud of all of us.  That seeing your family grow would have given you great joy.  In hoping that I will see you again some day. And in the belief that you are watching over all of us.  Cinco de Mayo will never quite be the fun, taco  eating holiday that it once was for me.  I will always spend this day wondering what you would say about certain things.   Missing you for the amazing grandma that you were.  

The best way I can think to honor my grandma is to try to be a good grandma to my own grandkids.  I hope they feel comfortable to come to our house, enter without knocking, eat our groceries, and know that they are safe and loved unconditionally.  If I can be half the grandma that I had growing up, I will know my life was successful.  So today, we remembered, we prayed a little, and we took our grandkid to eat the tacos.  We laughed at how much she loves rice.  We let her drink soda.  And when we came home, I hugged this little person and told her I loved her forever.